Family gatherings seem to be synonymous with opportunities for relatives to ask invasive questions. Parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents all seem to have something to say about dating and being in a relationship and getting married, and having kids, etc etc.
But romantic relationships can look very different across generations. With the explosion of online and app dating in recent years, the dating scene has become almost unrecognizable. As a therapist and as someone who has tried to date in LA, here are some thoughts and considerations that have come up for me in dating as an Asian American.
For many Asian Americans, there seems to be an odd shift that happens once you enter your 20s. Prior to then, many parents are very strict about dating and emphasize a focus on school and career. However, once you are in your 20s, suddenly all of your relatives have endless questions about who you are dating and whether or not they are acceptable.
Your family might have an endless checklist of acceptable traits and characteristics, and you might feel pressured to find someone that is able to check off most of those boxes. For example, your family might be insistent on your partner being of the same ethnic and cultural background. Your family might also try to require that they are educated, financially stable, physically attractive, deferent to elders, etc. It can also be difficult to challenge your family and to introduce a partner who might not fit those boxes, as you may experience pushback regarding your choice in partner.
Whether or not you choose to date within your ethnicity or race, you may run into cultural differences between you and your prospective partner. While there are certainly commonalities across Asian American cultures, there can also be distinct differences when you consider regional origin and immigration history. For example, two Vietnamese Americans may share a number of cultural practices and traditions, but one partner may have immigrated much more recently and may hold Vietnamese culture much closer than American culture.
