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Like many of us, I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mother suffered with a mental illness which made her unable to empathize or show compassion, even to her children. My father, on the other hand, was distant and unemotional. Neither of them offered encouragement or direction. They never seemed to care about me, so I worked hard to try and win their love.
I grew up feeling like love had to be earned, and I never could seem to do the right things to get it. Unconditional love is love you don't have to earn. You should be able to make mistakes every day and still be worthy of love. Maybe you are missing that kind of no-strings-attached love in your life. Looking back on a life filled with limited affection, I've discerned six conditions people place on love. In subtle ways they tell you they will withdraw their devotion if you fail to meet one or more of these demands:.
This condition says I will withdraw love if you want to talk about your problems or get too heavy with your needs. This condition causes us to detach from our true selves as we keep things light regardless of dark feelings. We withhold ourselves for the pleasure of the other person. Rather than challenging that person to see us as we are, we hide. Both people are denied the right to grow and change and self-reflect.
Without a savior, it is too scary to enter into your dark side. This often happens in families when the scapegoat or whistle blower finds herself ostracized and abused simply for pointing out the truth.
Rather than face their problems, the family demonizes the scapegoat. Only if she goes along with the lie, will she retain their love. This one is self-explanatory and happens all too often in the modern dating world. You get the message they can get it somewhere else if you don't comply with their demand. This culture keeps both men and women giving into something they may not want.