Posted February 27, Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. Sometimes you want to keep it light. Hook-up sex might not be for you, for safety or because men tend to be less generous in foreplay in hook-ups. But "friends with benefits" β sex with a partner you trust and value β could make good sense.
Actually, I've heard women in their forties on up say wistfully that they wouldn't mind some regular sex without worrying about all the other stuff β you know, your partner's health, schedule, capacity for intimacy , and compatibility with you. Think about this sentence: "I can only do friends with benefits if we don't kiss or have oral sex and you can't stay overnight.
Can your FWB appear on weekends or only on weeknights? Is it essential that you never see each other outside of the bedroom? Madame X had sex monthly in her forties with one of her exes, a man, over five years. The key was that she had rejected him. He had traits she just didn't want to be around that often. Her ego wasn't at stake. Sometimes she would get confused and ask him if he wanted to try to have more of a relationship.
He would say things like, "Honey, you know you don't like me all that much! This guy was a mensch, an excellent, generous lover who communicated well. When he had a girlfriend, he wouldn't see Madame X, and then he'd show up again after the breakup. The arrangement ended when he met the woman he married. Once, she was experimenting with Ben Wa balls β balls you insert in your vagina to strengthen your muscles. A ball got lost and came to rest behind a bend in her cervix. She knew where it was, but she couldn't reach it.
This was before "urgent care" facilities had popped up and a Friday. She really didn't want to go to an ER or have a metal ball lost in her vagina until she could get to a gynecologist on Monday. She called her FWB, who did some Internet research and came to see her right after his workday to perform his ministrations in the bathtub. They were in an "off" period when he had a girlfriend, who he went to see immediately afterward.
